is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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