Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
