Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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