Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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