i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
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I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
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You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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