apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
ugly people sure do ruin things
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
