just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
