So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
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I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
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I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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