the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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