I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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