Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
