so let's talk penis.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
