he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
