Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
