Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
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It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
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His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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