My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
