And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
