then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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