She's JV to your varsity
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
