I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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