2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
a search helicopter?!
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
