hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
