LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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