1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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