Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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