I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
