If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Can I color on your dick again?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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