if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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