enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize