It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
