You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
