I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
