I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
