dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I fill condoms, not promises.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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