his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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