Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
