2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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