he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
