I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
