I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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