The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
