I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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