i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize