3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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