WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
