The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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