tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
