Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
