This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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