Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
