My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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