I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
