no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
