I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Go christen that room with your naked body.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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