8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
