i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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