I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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