good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
