I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
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He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
My boob is missing a layer of skin
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
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Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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