it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
