all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
And then he peed in my hair
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