i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
