Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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